


Secret Agent Man

by 10redplums



Series: secret agent man [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Body Horror, Burning to death, Cannibalism, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Fealty, Gen, Kidnapping, Medical Malpractice, Medical Torture, Misogyny, Murder, Songfic, albumfic at this point really there's five songs in there, medical misogyny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28979226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10redplums/pseuds/10redplums
Summary: The crew investigates some deaths and finds way more than they expected.
Series: secret agent man [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125635





	Secret Agent Man

**Author's Note:**

> Song list:  
> 1\. Trust me - On Parnassus Hill (Blood and Whiskey)  
> 2\. Searching for him - Pump Shanty (Pump Shanty)  
> 3\. Maria Bai - Blue In Green (Ties That Bind)  
> 4\. Burning hands - Rocky Road to Dublin (Favoured Son)  
> 5\. Swords of the scholars - Picardy (Sleeping Beauty)  
> It's all The Mechanisms songs, I thought I'd use different ones for at least two but as it turns out it's way harder to do on a deadline with songs you didn't spend all of last year blasting day in day out. Check them out, they're great!  
> Disclaimer I make no money off this.

  1. ‘Statements’ 



“You have three hours,” the person at the desk says, handing them the key. Nicolai thanks him and moves past, into the hallway. They find the room they’d reserved. 

Inside is a room with a wide table and several chairs. Two of the walls are covered in cubbyholes, one for furniture and one for figures. Nicolai had come here once already, not counting the trips with their team; the figures need priming before they can be used.

The room and the others like it are used mainly for review. Some missions take very long and some information can be conveyed better through bird’s-eye-views of the scenes; in that case the agents give their reports and then the dioramas are provided as a supplement. Sometimes it’s fighting performance; trainers can more easily correct mistakes when their students can see their own movements from different angles. Sometimes, like today, it’s for Nicolai’s academic exercises, to review their mission to investigate a number of killings in Neverwinter and to retrieve the missing agents who had come before them, if possible. To at least find out what happened, if retrieval was impossible. Nicolai wants to see, among other things, how else it might have turned out.

Nicolai chatters away as they take out the necessary things. They find it helps to get the recordings ready before they actually start; artificing isn’t their forte so they don’t actually know if it’s because they’re refreshing their own memories or if it’s really for the magic, but. It helps.

Water, check. Hard candy, check. Knitting to keep their hands busy because Oghma knows if they don’t have that they’ll either fall asleep or be bouncing between five scenes and then they’ll have to reserve a room again, check. 

The first scene is of them dancing with Sir at the party. _Johann Ignatius_ , their superior. A bit of an all-rounder; mostly fights with physical weapons but dabbles in magic from time to time. Has asked about Nicolai’s projects multiple times; Nicolai is still working up the nerve to talk to him about it in detail. Disapproves of necromancy on the basis of disturbing the dead’s rest, but allows it when necessary. Allows Nicolai however much violence they require. Has not ever actually asked Nicolai to die for him, and would balk at the suggestion, but...

  1. Trust Me 



[JOHANN]  
_Nicolai, there she is, the woman we must meet_ _  
_ _No don’t turn your head now we have to be discreet_ _  
_ _‘Cause I don’t know what she knows about us but for now_ _  
_ _I will need you soon to dance with her; just trust me_

 _Talk to her and gain her trust; you’re both alike_ _  
_ _You can talk to her about your necromancy through the night_ _  
_ _Maybe ask her if she’s dug some graves up in a while_ _  
_ _Just joking, Kolya, breathe and smile and trust me_

[NICOLAI]  
_Sir, you know that I’d do about anything for you_ _  
_ _But I have to dance, and I have to chatter too_ _  
_ _Please don’t ask me also, sir, to show off my smile_ _  
_ _Just joking, sir, you know that you can trust me_

 _Maria Bai is known for her efficiency_ _  
_ _And her labs are yet unmatched; they are a sight to see_ _  
_ _I have questions that I burn, to ask her, terribly_ _  
_ _Don't worry, sir, I’ll get Miss Bai to trust me_

[JOHANN]  
_Keep your eyes on the prize; we’ve a job to do_ _  
_ _And I know you, Kolya, I’d want you to meet her too_ _  
_ _But she might have killed our agents and however many more_ _  
_ _And I want you now to focus, Kolya, trust me_

  1. ‘Crux’ 



The party had, of course, gone south soon after. But before the enormous apparition had appeared Nicolai had danced with Maria Bai, and proven charming and more importantly very interested in her work, interested enough to have read all of her papers cover to cover. Nicolai had taken _notes._ Miss Bai had lamented how little time they’d had together and asked if Nicolai would be interested in further discussion outside of the party, which had been the point of all of this. Her sister was indisposed, but Maria was sure Vivian would love to meet them too.

There had been a few more dances, and then- 

A section of the stage had shattered and a wave of heat had erupted, and then a horde of skeletons had poured from the floor and coalesced into one enormous beast. Possibly an illusion; Nicolai had looked for the spell for that and had yet to find anything, and their sources had looked over the site again after and no damage was found, but in the moment their thoughts had been occupied with evacuating people per Sir’s orders. And then in the chaos, Sir had disappeared.

  1. Searching for him 



[MARIE]  
_Have you found him? I have scried_ _  
_ _I’ve asked my god all through the night_ _  
_ _But he is blocked off from their sight_ _  
_ _But you, Soleil, what did you find?_

[CHORUS]  
_Where is he, Sir Johann_ _  
_ _We’ve no clue where he has gone_ _  
_ _He might be dead, for all we know_ _  
_ _But we must find him, get him home_

[SOLEIL]  
_I’ve searched the city high and low_ _  
_ _I’ve had no luck, nowhere to go_ _  
_ _Not hide nor hair, no man in tow_ _  
_ _Now, Nicolai, what do you know?_

CHORUS

[NICOLAI]  
_I’ve asked the angels, asked the ghouls_ _  
_ _Burned up the power of my school_ _  
_ _Exhausted use of all my tools_ _  
_ _I’ve been of no use, such a fool_

CHORUS

  1. ‘Person of Interest’ 



Nicolai moves on to the next scene. Luck had come to them eventually; on the third day a messenger had come inviting them to Maria Bai’s salon. She’d felt there was too much fear running through her circles after that night, and thought they would benefit from a little get-together. Nicolai had gone, of course; this was what they’d come for. 

_Marie dy_ , servant of the gods, whose expertise lies in medicine and who disapproves of necromancy on the basis of grievous interference with divine plan but listens and offers valuable insights on their research when Nicolai needs it, had stayed behind to keep looking for Sir. _Soleil aguillon lim_ , skilled pyrurgist, who disapproves of necromancy on the basis of disgust when Nicolai forgets to do it where she can’t see, but comes to Nicolai for insight and is always willing to fill in where their socialization is lacking, had come with them as their plus one.

Fear for Sir’s wellbeing aside, the salon had been nice. Nicolai’s expertise lies in waking and cajoling the dead to share their knowledge, with a foray into magical healing, so it had been interesting to talk to people who’d been in other fields. One guest had gone on at length about the merits of using blood instead of mana for casting spells.

And then they’d been poisoned.

Soleil had burned through hers and Nicolai, by the grace of Oghma their god, could neutralize theirs, but it had been a good try and had given them the excuse they’d needed to leave the bulk of the guests. They’d gone down into the basement of Maria Bai’s house, following the spell tracking Sir’s ring. It hadn’t worked outside her gates.

  1. Maria Bai 



_The doctors claimed that there_ _  
_ _Was nothing wrong_ _  
_ _That Vivi was fine, and not to fear_ _  
_ _It’s in her head_ _  
_ _She’s perfectly alright_ _  
_ _Doctor, doctor_ _  
_ _You’ve killed my dear one_ _  
_ _She could have lived, if not for you_ _  
_ _Now my sister’s just a husk of what she was_ _  
_ _They reap what they sow_ _  
_ _Revenge is sweet_

[CHORUS]  
_I killed them all myself_ _  
_ _With my hands I bled them all to bring her back_ _  
_ _My sister brought to life_ _  
_ _My infernal power running through her precious heart_ _  
_ _But now she needs much more_ _  
_ _My reserves of blood and bone are getting low_ _  
_ _Whatever it will cost_ _  
_ _I’ll pay, I’ll pay._

 _I started with the docs_ _  
_ _That dismissed her_ _  
_ _Had told her it was all hysteria_ _  
_ _They had sent her off with opium and a leer_ _  
_ _They’d smiled and told her_ _  
_ _She’d be fine and not to worry, dear_ _  
_ _I cut her up myself; I found the growths_ _  
_ _But there was nothing more that I could do_ _  
_ _My sister died in my arms_ _  
_ _And I swore revenge_

CHORUS

 _So when you came looking and making inquiries_ _  
_ _It was just a matter of time you’d find me out_ _  
_ _I thought that you of all would hear me out_ _  
_ _Nicolai, Kolya,_ _  
_ _You must know what my artistry can do_ _  
_ _Blood magic, resurrection, cheating death_ _  
_ _His body’s perfect, power brimming, and his health_ _  
_ _My dear sister, take it all_ _  
_ _All you, I’ll never let you go_

CHORUS

 _Sister, Vivi, I brought you back from death_ _  
_ _Defying gods, and your untimely end_ _  
_ _What do they all know, your health misunderstood_ _  
_ _I’m all you need, you’ve nothing now to fear_ _  
_ _My sister dear_

  1. ‘Turning point’ 



It’s at this point that Nicolai pauses the magic, pulling away from the table with a gasp and rubbing their hands into their eyes, careful of their horns. The mannequins freeze in their places, Maria gesturing, her eyes wide, Sir bleeding on the slab, paler than he has any right to be, Soleil standing protectively in front of him, incandescent in her fury. Nicolai themself, racked by indecision, their hands glowing and awash with his blood. They toy with the pieces, taking one out, putting it back. They wave their hand and resume the magic.

  1. Burning Hands 



[SOLEIL]

 _So first you killed our agents_ _  
_ _Then you kidnap our leader_ _  
_ _Do you really think_ _  
_ _We’ll let you get away with_ _  
_ _Any of what you’ve done_ _  
_ _Kill a bunch of people_ _  
_ _For your sister, dead_ _  
_ _And rotting in her coffin, what_ _  
_ _This is fucking sick_ _  
_ _How the hell d’you think_ _  
_ _You’d be in the clear_ _  
_ _Of all the horrors that you wrought_ _  
_ _I’m taking you down_ _  
_ _Kill you, here and now,_ _  
_ _I’ll never forgive_ _  
_ _You and all this monstrosity_ _  
_ _I’ll burn all this down_

 _Cleanse the world of horror with these burning hands_ _  
_ _I’ll take you and your sister down; I’ll burn all this down_

 _I let Nicolai slide_ _  
_ _‘Cause they’ve never killed anyone_ _  
_ _Not out of duty_ _  
_ _But you and yours should start to run_ _  
_ _Away, I’ll torch all of this_ _  
_ _Research notes and all_ _  
_ _Won’t be saved from my wrath_ _  
_ _I won’t stand for it_ _  
_ _‘Cause_ _  
_ _How could you not see_ _  
_ _Monsters, you and she_ _  
_ _How could anyone_ _  
_ _Think that this would all be okay_ _  
_ _Torture and assault_ _  
_ _How’s this not your fault_ _  
_ _Selfish cannibals_ _  
_ _And all to bring your sister back_ _  
_ _No, not on your life_

 _Cleanse the world of horror with these burning hands_ _  
_ _I’ll take you and your cult down; I’ll burn all this down_

[MARIA]

 _As we grew up it was just me_ _  
_ _And her, against the world; what_ _  
_ _Do you know of love_ _  
_ _What would you give for anyone_ _  
_ _You are but a child_ _  
_ _One corpse then another_ _  
_ _Feed them to my sister_ _  
_ _No friends, no peers but I don’t care_ _  
_ _I’m all that she has_ _  
_ _You don’t understand_ _  
_ _I’ll do all I can_ _  
_ _So she stays alive with me_ _  
_ _I don’t care what’s right_ _  
_ _I’ll pay any price_ _  
_ _If what you want’s a fight_ _  
_ _I’ll give it to you readily_ _  
_ _You won’t burn this down_

 _I won’t let you kill us with your burning hands_ _  
_ _I won’t let you take her away; You won’t bring us down_

  1. ‘Or’



Nicolai pauses and moves the pieces around again. Soleil, instead of Nicolai, to cauterize Sir’s wounds. Nicolai, the worst choice, to confront the sisters. They resume the magic.

  1. Swords of the scholars 



[NICOLAI]

 _You could come with us, we can help you, you don’t have to be this way_ _  
_ _Your sister we can take her with us, she can see the light of day_ _  
_ _Our scholars are unmatched, our science we can share_ _  
_ _Take my hand, come, please, we’ll find a way_

 _Blood and bone and sinew, all of these lie within my hands_ _  
_ _The knowledge of the gods, within reason, all this you could have at your command_ _  
_ _Just come away with me, we’ll show you how to hide_ _  
_ _You could have help, just write us in your plans_

[VIVI]

 _You don’t understand, you can’t help us, I’m all that she has, nothing more_ _  
_ _You still serve a master, no freedom, your promises are pitiful and poor_ _  
_ _Mari, I know that you wanted a peer with whom to share_ _  
_ _But I can’t let them go out, living, through that door_

 _I know what I am, how you see me, I know what it costs to keep my life_ _  
_ _I know who she’s killed, who I’ve eaten, how we’ve thrown the city into strife_ _  
_ _I know what we are, I can’t hate her for that_ _  
_ _For her I would also pay the price_

[BOTH]

 _Sterile labs and sharpened scalpels, power that men only dream of_ _  
_ _Our lives too similar but different, shunned for our pursuits up above_  
_Maybe in another life you could be free_ _  
_ But I can’t bear the loss of my love.

  1. ‘Conclusion’



In the end it had been too much to hope for, but Nicolai had still had to try. They’d pleaded with her, but. After a life of her and her sister against the world, she was reluctant to trust, and they wouldn’t allow her to have Sir. She’d fought back, and Nicolai had run with Sir and what of Maria Bai’s notes they could salvage, and Soleil had burned the place to the ground. They’d already taken the missing agents’ identification when they’d found the corpses, picked to the bone, in one of the cells.

It was a shame. They’d had much to learn from her, and it’d be years before they’d get permission to call her up. In the meantime, they’ve submitted their reports, and there will be an investigation into Vivian Bai’s first death. And Sir is recovering well, which matters more to Nicolai on a personal level. They end the session.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW THIS TOOK FOREVER  
> hey if you made it this far thanks for reading. This fic actually started as regular prose that never got past the vague concept stage and just sat in my drive for like two years, and then bingo came and I was like. well, we can use that one? and then I pared it down and pared it down, seriously I had diagrams for this, and _then_ I was just gonna write it as a series of flashbacks via Nicolai reviewing the events, but then I thought. what if we filked it though. with _three weeks left to write it_ and two other prompts i hadn't filled yet, because my brain. but we're here! I finished it! It took ten days and probably has the most words in my "words I wound up not using" doc!  
> The "series of flashbacks" format was just. I threw out sneaking in references and just based the format mainly on The Bifrost Incident but their four main albums are all like that, narration-song-narration-song.


End file.
